Love

I have spent a lot of time over the last couple of years experimenting with, reading and researching about, and talking with others about love.  I'm not talking about love for your fellow men, I'm talking about pure, true, perfect, romantic love.  I have heard so many people say that love is hard, and it dies, and it's supposed to be that way.  I disagree.  I used to think that love was a fictitious thing because I had never experienced it fully, but you know what, love is easy and it's real.

Here are the results of my findings.  I'm going to start in an order that I have found to be most successful in having storybook love:


1.  Everyone has a personality type.  If you research the ColorCode, you will see that there are four categories, or colors, of people.  You have your Reds (with the motive of power), Blues (with the motive of intimacy), Whites (with the motive of peace), and Yellows (with the motive of fun).  I could go on and on about these colors and if you've talked to me for a very long period of time you will hear me talk about this all the time.  It is the number one key to building a relationship.  You have to understand what drives the person you are with, because having that understanding will help you be able to provide them with security.  You can read more about the colors and take a test here to figure out what your color is:  https://www.colorcode.com/  I can usually guess someone's color now within just a couple minutes of talking to them, I don't even need to have someone take a test anymore.  As a result of having this background I have seen a major increase in my ability to love another person.

2.  Once you have figured out the color of you and your mate and you are aware of the things they need, you can advance to this step.  Have you ever heard of the 5 Love Languages?  Awesome, awesome!  This is the real key.  Everyone has at least one love language, which is the way they feel loved.  You can take a test here to see what yours is:  http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/  I have also gotten to the point where I can usually guess someone's love language pretty quickly as well. The more you study the love languages to where you can figure out another's love language the better because it's pretty unlikely you'll be able to convince anyone you may date to take this test.  Here is the break down of the love languages.  You have Words of Affirmation (this is saying nice things, complimenting, basically making someone feel appreciated through your words), Acts of Service (helping cook dinner, cleaning, any sort of service oriented activity), Receiving Gifts (pretty self explanatory), Quality Time (it's not just quantity, but quality), and Physical Touch (holding hands, snuggling, kissing, etc.).  Everyone has at least one, sometimes a couple.  One easy way to figure out what someone's is is to watch how they go about loving others the best.  Usually I have found that people best express love in the way they want it. I also have found that at times I have felt like others were not showing love or care, but once I was able to figure out what their love language was I could see very easily that they were showing love in their way and I was able to feel more secure in my relationship with them because I could see and acknowledge that they did care.

Some people find step 2 difficult because they say, for example, "I'm not good at giving Words of Affirmation..." To those people, I say, "SO WHAT?!"  Make yourself be good at it.  Love is a choice. Love isn't afraid to look or sound silly, it just does what is necessary.  Love puts someone else first and above anything else.  Actually, if you want to know the biggest piece of advice I can give you about the love languages is, DO THEM ALL!  All the time. It doesn't have to be anything big. When I say Words of Affirmation, put a simple note in a coat pocket for them to find the next day saying how cute they are.  For Acts of Service, polish their shoes while they are in the shower.  For Receiving Gifts, pick up a candy bar.  For Quality Time, for heaven's sake, put 15 minutes of research into enriching couples activities online and I guarantee you can come up with something. For Physical Touch, don't sit on opposite couches, sit next to them and put your hand on their leg. Easy.  This is easy stuff!

3.  Once you have figured out what gives your special person security, and what exactly makes them feel loved, become a master of those things.  Give it your priority to always give them love in that way.  And you know what?  I promise you that the love you give will be returned to you in crazy amounts.  The more you love the more love you receive.  I highly recommend everyone read this blog post:  http://sethadamsmith.com/2013/11/02/marriage-isnt-for-you/  Our world today makes everything about us, "Is this person going to make me happy?" Well, I can tell you that they will make you happy if you make it a priority to make them happy first.  Basically, you choose your own happiness by how much you try to make him or her happy.  Period.


I have found that people ask too much and think too much when it comes to relationships.  They play games and they cause unnecessary hurt.  Love isn't a game, its continual expressions of love and understanding towards another person.  It isn't something that should be chased after.  Immature love is about the chase.  If you want true love, stop chasing and stop running.  Just love and be willing to give.

It's easy people.  Love is easy.  Life may be difficult and have its unavoidable challenges... but LOVE is easy.