The Heart Knows More than the Brain

The last two months of my life have been chalked full of anxiety.  It was brought to my attention last night that I haven't updated the blog recently, so this morning I will hurry to do that before heading out of my house for a work meeting.

I sit here pretty baffled actually, wondering what to say and how to word what is in my heart.  I'm not sure I will do it any justice without giving a lot of minor details, but I will do my best.  A little over a month ago I began to force myself to move on.  If I could give anyone any piece of advice it would be to not do that.  I tried to rush so many emotions and so many feelings.  It worked for a couple of weeks.  And who knows, maybe I actually needed how I felt those couple of weeks in order to survive.  However, once everything came crashing down a couple of weeks ago, my life became this big ball of anxiety.  I was torn between my head and my heart.  I tried to force what my head was telling me even harder. Don't do this.  Please.  Its awful.  It gets you no where.

You've got to listen to your heart.

The heart does not choose who it loves.  It knows what is right and it knows who is right.  Like I have previously said, love is easy.  It's life that is hard.  My heart has known who it loves for quite some time.  I made life hard there for awhile by trying to let my brain take over.  Don't get me wrong, you have to be smart in life, but the heart knows more than the brain.  Let me reiterate:  you can not make your heart feel differently than it does.

Being a blue, I am always very sensitive to emotion and feelings.  When I love, I love hard.  I have seen what it is like to be in a relationship without deep love and I can't do that again.  It has to be there.  My heart knows who it loves and I have to follow that.  When we die, that's all that is really going with us anyway, so we need to listen to it.  Follow it, even if it defies logic and is crazy.

And you know what?  Sometimes you will be surprised.  Sometimes the thing you think will never happen does.

Today is that day.